Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
