I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
