I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
