is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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