I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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