Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
