I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
