There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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