just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
