so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
