Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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