she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
