I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You're like the curious george of whores
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
