did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
