I could make wine with my vomit
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
