I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
