So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
