My brain says no but my pants say off.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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