Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
As shirtless as possible
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
