okay pat passed out under dana's car
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
organizing the empties. That sober.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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