Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
