just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
