I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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