the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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