I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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