hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
