i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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