Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
