I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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