Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
