Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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