Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
