apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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