Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
