You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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