she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
