I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
