I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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