Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
