Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
