ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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