You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
