This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
