if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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