I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
