I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
