I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
