p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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