I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
