i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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