So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
