My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
