She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
