He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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