Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
