: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
