just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
