I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Green mimosas i think yes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
