guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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