what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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