I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
