I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
