I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
