Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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