Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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