the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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