she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
