whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
