That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
